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 Are you stupid?
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Beth - La

24 Posts

Posted - May 22 2015 :  12:41:39 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
No, not you. Me! This is what I have written on several notes I have placed strategically throughout my house, like my bathroom mirror and near my coffee pot. I also have a few with the letters C O P D in big bright red marker, and underneath that, I wrote Cigarettes Offer Premature Death. I'm hoping this reinforcement helps. You see, after 3 whole weeks of being smoke free, I fell off the wagon. I even saw it coming, but didn't do anything to stop it.

The good news is, I have identified some interesting triggers, and hopefully by sharing, I can help others who may face similar situations.

Trigger #1 - My second PFT showed improvement, which meant the medicine I was given was working. This didn't make me light up right away in celebration, but I used it as justification for the following triggers.

Trigger #2 - My wonderful Mother flew in to see me, and we were going to drive from Louisiana to Florida to visit family for a week. Sounds like a wonderful adventure, right? Well, one of those relatives is a very obnoxious drunk sister of mine who often tells me she doesn't even like our Mom. A whole week with her? Yikes! Plan A = Buy lots of nicotine lozenges and lollipops. Unfortunately, I'm not a drinker.

Trigger #3. I have anxiety issues when it comes to driving. Even worse so when I'm in the passenger seat. And when bridges and tunnels are involved, my anxiety shifts into overdrive. Just thinking about this trip made me sick to my stomach. Plan B = Add Pepto to my list of things to buy for trip, and make sure I have enough of my zanax.

Trigger #4 The day before our departure, we got a lovely rental car, which just so happened to be a NON SMOKING rental car. No problem...I haven't smoked in 3 weeks. Easy Peasy. This one seemed to be the most interesting one to me. It seems, when having the choice to smoke made for me, it made me feel desperate/rebellious/stupid. I've never smoked in front of my Mother, ever, although she knows I've been a smoker. On our first stop for gas, I bought a pack of cigarettes, and I swear, I think we stopped at every rest stop along the journey, with me claiming I had to use the potty.

In summary, no, I am not stupid. I just made really poor choices. When I was first diagnosed a month or so ago, it was very easy for me to quit smoking. I live alone during the week, and I wasn't worried about having to deal with anyone while I battled the mood swings. I've never tried to quit before, and I'm guessing my weakness means cold turkey isn't for me, so I have invested in many more nicotine lozenges, many more lollipops, and a better understanding on what some "outside the safety of my home" triggers are. I will be following the plan enclosed with the lozenges, and hope I can become a non-smoker before the twelve weeks they suggest. I really don't want to look my doctor in the eye on my July 1st appointment and tell him I still smoke. Heck, I don't want to look myself in the eye currently!
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